3 Stages of Change

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A pheonix could not rise without there being a fire that turned to ashes? Yet, here you are thinking life is too hard, too painful, too stressful and too concerned about change, forgetting that change is inevitable and that out of all these discomforts can be your time to shine too!

How often have you heard that a diamond was once coal that required incredible pressure? That a flower was once a seed that had to be buried? A pheonix could not rise without there being a fire that turned to ashes?

Yet, here you are thinking life is too hard, too painful, too stressful and too concerned about change, forgetting that change is inevitable and that out of all these discomforts can be your time to shine too!

If you get out of your own head and believe, crave and desire to be better and for things to be extraordinary, (not just good).

I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t want to be the girl I was 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago! 

I love who I am now. Sure some things sucked! But they made me who I am today, and for that, I wouldn’t change a thing…

Other than finding solutions sooner and getting out of my own way quicker!

So embrace change.

In this article I’m going to share with you the 15 indicators of change over the 3 different stages of change:

1) Comfort Zone 

2) Integration Zone

3) Flying to New Heights

To help make it more fun, because we all love a good story, I’m going to tell the tale of the caterpillar and the stages it went through.

But read to the end, because it’s not over when the caterpillar dies. It’s not even over when you think it’s over. 

This is the tale of Caterpillar, narrated by you, being passed down to Baby Caterpillar.

I was born, conditioned to believe that I was only a caterpillar, and that when caterpillars die they are buried in a cocoon and that life is over. 

I was told to just make life as comfortable as I could before that inevitable time would come. 

I was told of stories where other caterpillars had came across these butterfly beings that could fly all of the skies. They started believing they too were going to be butterflies. People looked at them like they were crazy. That it was impossible.

I was told that if I believed that to be true, I would only set myself up for disappointment and failure. To not dream of the impossible. I was told to just do what I know, to follow in my family’s caterpillar footsteps who walked before me and then I will know how life will be…

But this is my story. What I have learnt from my experiences.

You can actually transform into a butterfly!

There is work to be done and it’s not always fun or easy, but it is so worth it when you can see life from the skies!


This is what I’ve learnt, that there are 3 stages to change and to getting your wings.

1) Caterpillar – which is our comfort zone, but it actually becomes quite uncomfortable because it’s forcing us to change,

2) Cocoon – our integration zone. We actually feel like we could be dying, but this is actually where we rest and allow the transformation to take place after doing some heavy lifting, then

3) WE ACTUALLY BECOME THE BUTTERFLY – we get wings and can actually fly!

And then there is a little secret that wasn’t even in the butterflytales that I’ll share at the end.

First, let’s break down each stage and get a better understanding of some of the things we might experience in this stage.

Caterpillar – Comfort Zone:

1) Seeing everything from a low trajectory

When you are in our comfort zone, it’s challenging to see what is outside of that. You don’t really have an understanding of other points of view or how things could look differently. You can really only see what is around you and you are generally focusing on what you don’t want. Often, you can not see the wood for the trees, (see the bigger picture because you are so focused on the details of where you are right now, and likely what has got you here).

2) Feel as though things are moving slowly and require more effort

You can feel like you are taking two steps forward and one step back, without recognising that is still one step forward. You want everything to happen now, but keep getting frustrated when things don’t go as planned all the time. Here, you can often feel stuck and a lot of old belief systems and patterns will be surfacing through our thoughts, behaviours and emotions.


3) Life is getting more uncomfortable, becoming more reactive

Life is becoming pretty uncomfortable. Relationships feel strained, you might not happy at work, it may feel like you’re fighting with anyone and everyone over the smallest things. Your emotions are controlling you, rather than you controlling your emotions, and that makes things worse because then you may start beating yourself up even more. You might start feeling uncertain as to how much more you can actually take.


4) Feeling like there has to more – starting to look for solutions

By this stage, things have probably turned from bad to worse. You start thinking there has to be more to life than this and you’re right. But at that moment, you don’t know that yet, because you don’t know what you don’t know. You may start looking into other options, alternatives, improvements, solutions. Likely, you won’t take any action. Yet. 


5) Feel as though you are being buried alive and can not breath

Now, you have no option but to change because things have become unbearable. Everything has turned to sh*t. You are constantly screaming or crying or on the verge of a breakdown and in extreme cases, you may not want to be here anymore.


Hold on precious one, we’re not done yet. This is just phase one and it will be ok.you 


Cocoon (This period can be confused with feeling depressed and/or anxiety) – Integration Zone:

6) Change begins – become introverted and need your own time and space

At this point, you will likely start taking some action and following up on some of those solutions you looked into or have been recommended. You may look at allied health options; (counsellors, psychologists etc), alternative health (acupuncture, Chinese medicine, healer, hypnotherapist etc) or something else; (coach, facilitator of change, books, seminars, YouTube etc). At this stage the pain is too much and has become unbearable. Something has to shift so you are forced to look for help externally, to understand what is going on internally.

Change work begins. 

In my experience, to get maximum leverage of your change and transform out of the old and into the new, you need to be working with your unconscious (subconscious) mind; releasing past experiences, emotions, paradigms, beliefs, patterns, conditioning. 

Doing this work should create new neuro pathways and shifts the entire neurology, energy and frequency of your being.


7) Integration begins – feel low in energy, tired, struggle to get out of bed for ‘no apparent reason’, low motivation (may feel similar to depressed (not depression))

Delete the ‘no apparent reason’ as you have shifted and it requires time to integrate into the system, particularly if you have been working at the unconscious level. Conscious (logical) mind needs to play catch up. 

In this phase you may feel so zapped of energy, so tired and really struggling to get up and do even just day to day things. 


8) More sensitive to energy, emotions, people (may feel similar to anxiety)

During this time you may find you are more sensitive to people, to experiences, to crowds, to your own emotions. You may find that you are crying or getting frustrated a lot easier than normal, this could be a sign you are not looking after yourself.


9) Find yourself napping or sleeping more

The best and quickest way for integration to occur and be completed is to sleep/nap as often as you can, particularly immediately after the initial shift/healing.

This period of time is a time of self care, nurturing your soul and body, being gentle with yourself and allowing time and space to heal and transition. Your mind, body and soul need time to integrate the transformation.

You are in the cocoon for a reason. So sleep.

Please note here, the bigger the release, the more heavier you may feel and the more you will need to nurture and care for yourself during this period.


10) Feel different and starting to feel stronger

You feel different. If you’ve done release work, you should feel lighter. You may even start to feel amazing now, like a new you. 

If you have not given yourself time to nap, heal and integrate as quickly as possible, these feelings may last a bit longer. This is perfectly normal. You are transforming and have to break out of the cocoon. It takes effort to do that.

When you do start to feel lighter, and start to feel more energised, your transformation is nearly complete. You are beginning to emerge from your cocoon. There maybe some confusion, (particularly if this is your first few times experiencing such a transformation, that you can recall) and there maybe a sense of nervousness or excitement as this is the exciting world of uncertainty. These are all great signs of your…



Butterfly – I’m Flying!:

11) You feel like you have broken free of the old constraints and broken free of what was holding you back


Welcome to a whole new world of possibilities, opportunities and what will become your new comfort zone. You have stretched your old bubble and your about to see yourself for the first time. You are about to fly!


12) You are starting to see things from a different perspective even though you don’t recognise the transformation that has actually taken place yet

You are open to a new way of thinking, being and might even be able to empathise with others. You have shifted and you see yourself for the first time. 

How beautiful do you now look! You may even vowel to never go back there again.

13) You feel light and free, things feel effortless to achieve and getting where you want to go feels much easier 

You’re thinking is more positive, your language is more graceful, you are expressing gratitude and your self confidence is higher than ever before. You feel unstoppable. You are achieving your goals easier and you’re actually focusing on some of the things you want. 

14) You feel like you’re on top of the world and can achieve anything and everything.

You see an old friend, another caterpillar and you tell him that old tale of the Butterflytale is true and that you are his Caterpillar friend that has transformed. He doesn’t believe you and thinks you’re crazy. You are not phased, you know you’re truth and you continue on your incredible path that you created.

(But, maybe underneath it all you still have some doubts, are still focusing on what you don’t want, are still working through some old ‘stuff’, and maybe you start believing your old Caterpillar friend? Maybe you haven’t transformed at all? Maybe you have just been lying to yourself all along…)

15) You don’t see the car coming and you get hit. Life changes and you feel like you have lost everything.

And a part of you has. The old part you that has already transformed. You haven’t gone backwards. You did transform into the Butterfly, briefly and you felt the wind in your wings. You have done it once, you can do it again, right? 


At this point, others can give up or feel defeated.

More often than not, we were only ever told to be comfortable, that butterflies were crazy and that it was impossible. There are no Butterflytales of life after getting your wings, and then loosing them. 

The Butterflytales don’t tell the story of life after; that they actually haven’t fallen back down or gone backwards because a comfort bubble can never shrink back to what it was before. There is no ‘going back’.

But you, you have the untold story, here…

It’s actually just time to level up again, evolve and do more work. 

It’s time to work through the stages and do it all again.

Only, it can and should be easier to work through each time after.

You now know anything is possible, because you have been the Butterfly. You have transformed before, you know it’s true, you know what it feels like to fly and you want to feel the wind in your wings again.

So, recognise where you are, and that you are just at the beginning of a new cycle of transformation, moving into another beautiful version of you, with new skin to shed.


Sometimes we can feel as though we have lost our wings and gone all the way back to the beginning. But the truth is, we have left that old version of ourselves because we are meant to evolve.

You have moved to the next level of the game of life. 

When you know this secret, it can and will be quicker and easier, if you appreciate what stage you’re at to get your new wings.

So, dust off your caterpillar shoes, fix your antennas to pick up the signs you learnt before.

Do the work to get your wings quicker, because you know what you need to do, (and you might even skip a step or two next time because this time you know more).

Learn from your previous experience.


You have another chance to fly and you now know the view from the top is worth the little bit of discomfort to get there.

You also know that there is no such thing as impossible because you now know IM-POSSIBLE and you can achieve anything you put your mind to if you’re willing to take action.

See you in the skies soon Butterfly 2.0.

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#SELFishMums @ LIMES Revival Academy

#SELFishMums @ LIMES Revival Academy

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About Krissy

Krissy is the proud founder of #SELFishMums and thought leader in 21st Century modern family thinking and being. 

Krissy dedicates her life to empowering others, (particularly Mummas) to truly step into their power, own their self worth and learn the value of being #SELFish.

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