Kids suck. Our partners suck. Work sucks. Life is sh*t.
Do you say these things often; recently or in general?
Are you finding yourself frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed and out of control from your thoughts and emotions?
Would things be so much better if life was easier? Right? Wrong.
Would you know things were better or easier if you had no reference for the opposite? If you didn’t know what worse or hard was, if you didn’t know what happiness, joy, peace, and control were?
So, what is really going on and how can we change the way we think, talk and act instead?
First, we must identify what this statement, or these statements actually mean, what behaviours are we exhibiting, and why?
I have caught myself saying this multiple times this week. Not with animosity or anger, but in jest, with an underlying flavour of frustration.
Followed by – ‘STOP! Just stop Kristel’ – a pattern interrupt I use with myself (and clients) often, when an old cycle is playing out that needs to be broken.
This week I have caught myself using more frustrating, judgemental and self-loathing language that requires immediate interruption. I’ve needed to interrupt my thoughts/words as soon as my awareness has brought it to my attention.
But awareness takes action and thought process. It takes time and effort. It takes a level of consciousness and intention. That which I have been ‘too busy’ to do this week. And thus, I have found myself saying multiple times this week, amongst other things: ‘Teenagers suck!’
But he is merely a reflection of me. And when I’m pointing my finger outwards, there are always three pointing back at me.
So ultimately, I have been sending out a message this week and feeling that I suck. Put simply, this is a reflection of me not taking the time out to give to myself the time and space needed to recentre, realign, work through my sh*t and honour my emotions.
Thus, pointing the finger externally, saying X sucks, is my way of expressing how I’m unconsciously feeling internally, about myself. Particularly, as I preach self care right now to others.
However, I’m still human and find myself reducing the importance of self on occasions, pushing self care aside as if there is another way to feel better. As if there are more important things in my life right now, than my feelings and the shadow that is clearly needing some attention and integration.
We do this often, do we not?
We do not give ourselves the time, effort and energy to just stop, breath and take the time to bring back our thoughts and emotions, regain control and maintain our ‘cool Mum’ composure, particularly if we have ‘so much going on’?
But that’s the time we need it the most. And our external world will surely reflect this if we stop and take notice.
So, this week I have found myself in overwhelm and out of control with my thoughts and emotions. I have been reactive rather than responsive in some instances, mainly with and towards myself. I have been extremely judgemental and hard on myself. I have put myself down and not allowed time for self care or to ground.
This week I have tried so hard to give so much to others, as they ‘need me more’; my strength, my guidance, my energy, my love. As the people I love are being challenged and working through their stuff, it has required so much more patience and grace from me to be as neutral as possible, be supportive, be assuring.
To observe and just ‘be there’, to allow them to stumble through that which they must endure and work through, (which when love is involved, can be incredibly difficult, particularly when it’s your child or partner). But I know it is not my job to do the work for them, nor can I.
I have given so much energy and attention to others and forgot or pushed my own needs aside as ‘not as important’. As a result, my unconscious mind, body and soul have kicked my a55 for it and my external world has certainly reflected this.
This week I have not been practicing what I preach to full authenticity. This week I have not been honouring me as much as I should or would be normally). On top of this, add extremely late nights (or rather, early mornings), with business and creating and implementing what needs to be done for the launch of #SELFishMums. I’m exhausted.
As I have been pushing my consciousness to the side as I focused on ‘more important tasks’, my thoughts and emotions have taken control and for days now, I have found myself emotionally drunk; dazed, consumed, sensitive and reactive.
By yesterday, I was outwardly displaying a very ‘off’ ME, where others commented and asked what was wrong, as ‘it’s not like you to behave or talk this way’.
WARNING SIGNS right there.
Too often, we are so quick to react, get frustrated, be controlled by our own emotions, do you find? Particularly if we are living in a state of suffering rather than growth, (as I have shared on Instagram).
You may notice you experience this ‘reaction’ more if you are in a state of suffering and may not even understand or have the awareness that you actually do have control over many things.
Last night, even after the warning signs of the day, it didn’t quite land until I stopped, I was on my own and had time to reflect on the day, (and week), with a glass of wine in hand.
And rather than face it and honour it, I drank the glass and got stuck into my task list for launch. Deflection at its greatest – a very old pattern of mine that I am still working on changing.
This morning I had a moment of realisation and clarity, that in fact, my emotions had been possessing me, (as I reflected on how ‘hormones are possessing my boy’).
Yesterday, my language and behaviour was indicative of hurt; ‘Teenagers suck’, utilising alcohol as a suppressant, being in a bad mood and projecting that out to the world.
Blaming the stress of having to be people’s ‘rock’ at the moment, rather than recognising the emotions and shadow that is in fact forcing me to face. Giving my power away by pushing that outside of me, rather than owning my own sh*t.
When we face and honour our emotions, it is raw, painful, but empowering. Yesterday, I didn’t believe I had the strength to face what was underlying, as the presenting problem is never the actual root cause of our emotions. And it wasn’t.
I do my best thinking as I drive, and yesterday I started to recognise the ego at play this week – the patterns of protection and self-sabotage, (although these days, this is more of an internal challenge I work through, rather than an external battle I have with others).
Then, I recognised the height of my emotions, as I was driving to where my brother in law was killed only six months earlier. And only days earlier, finding out someone had taken his memorial we had created for him and trashed it.
Any wonder my emotions were all over the place, and I ‘couldn’t face’ or ‘handle’ the day and turned to alcohol to ‘get me through’.
Healthy, best option? Absolutely not.
Did it ‘help’ in that moment? Yes.
Would I do it again? Likely.
Did I create change? Absolutely, as instead of a bottle, it was one glass, thanking myself for bringing it to my awareness and parking it until the morning.
How did I change this? I brought about awareness to my old pattern, to my emotions and said stop.
Yes, I deflected but I honoured what had been brought up first, gave it a more appropriate timeframe to deal with and allowed myself the time to do something ‘productive’ and positive.
Then, when the time came, in which I had told myself I would face the week, I did. And have all day. I have nourished my soul today, been surrounded by nature and wrote this on and off throughout the day, rather than being rigid with ‘getting it done’.
Today, I have been partially #SELFish, whilst honouring those around me too.
Life as a Mumma is a balancing act of many hats. But we need to remind ourselves (and sometimes be reminded) that we too matter, our emotions are important, that we are a priority and that we must take the time to be #SELFish and move through that which is drastically impacting on our being.
Our behaviours are indicative of our unconscious unresolved stuff. Our own and others of theirs too. When we take the time to recognise this, be gentle with ourselves and be brave enough to face them, honour the unresolved and learn from it, we are the epitome of #SELFish.
We are taking back our power and empowering our very future by taking ownership for our life in every aspect, changing what we do not like and giving others permission to do the same.
We then shift the paradigm, shift our projection, resolve the unresolved and our external world will reflect the changes within too.
So, what if you applied some awareness to your external world now, identified what you are unsettled with and discover within yourself that which is being reflected externally?
Give it a go.
Krissy is the proud founder of #SELFishMums and thought leader in 21st Century modern family thinking and being.
Krissy dedicates her life to empowering others, (particularly Mummas) to truly step into their power, own their self worth and learn the value of being #SELFish.
Being SELFish isn’t about you & is everything about you.
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Because you matter too Mumma!