Today, this is for my two beautiful Aunties I’m fortunate enough to be blessed with, after spending some time with them over the weekend. A little reflection and gratitute for the two very different but two absolutely beautiful, loving, compassionate women in my life.
My Aunty of past; has been never far from my life. She has been an absolute pinnacle in my life for as long as I can remember. She has been a role model, my safe haven and backbone when my Mum couldn’t, growing up and particularly these last few years. She has always opened her home to me, living with her multiple times over my youth. And now as an adult, opening her home to my little man and I as a nice little family get away. We have shared a very special bond for as long as I can remember and though not always seen eye to eye, have remained close and formed an even closer bond through the years. She was there for my Father’s service, hugged me tight for my Granny’s and has held me tighter every moment she could since my Mum. She taught me to be tough, strong, opinionated and showed me how to be proud to be a woman and stand up for what I believe in. She showed me it’s possible to own a home, a business, have dreams, goals and ambitions and that it can all be achievable. She showed me the possibility of a more gratifying life, rather than a simple life of living on government benefits. She led me down the spiritual path, introduced me to Louise Hay and the alternative thinking to healing and taught me how to leave my troubles at the door. I owe a lot to this beautiful woman. She is and has always been my mentor without even realising it and been my absolute saviour.
My other Aunty, I am only now lucky enough to start to form a close relationship with. We have lived our separate paths for many a years. I have watched her troubles and loss from a far, and tried to offer my support best I could as a troubled youth and young adult trying to find my own way in this world. The loss this beautiful soul has had to endure over the years can only be described as heartaching. Yet she has continued to pick herself up, dust herself off and keep on keeping on. She is one of the most compassionate, caring woman I know. She used to smile through a broken smile that used to pain me to see. But recently she is starting to get a light back in her eyes I can’t remember having had seen for decades. She is starting to find her strength, her independence and starting to consider life, independent life, after being a Mother and Guardian for over three decades straight.
For such a long time I rejected most of my past and most people that were linked to that; my way of suppressing the demons. Yet I still faced the one place I hated the most, the place I grew up, just to see those few who I hold so dear; my Aunty of past particularly.
But now my demons and I are foe. I don’t have that feeling of dread or my stomach overturning just driving out to my home town or particularly when I used to come into town. I used to hide away from the main streets or events anymore in case I would run into someone I knew. Now I get so excited to drive in, see my surrogate parents (who have taken me under their wing since loosing my Mum) and to drive to my Aunties every time now. I have even since visited the place I grew up, the place I used to call my living hell. I have stood in the room where I have watched many a world war erupt right in front of my eyes and even driven past to show my son. This place used to feel like my punishment for a heinous crime I must have commited in a past life. But now, it just is what it is.
My past no longer hinders my future, or my relationships. I have turned around and now I’m facing and looking at my future for the first time, instead of breaking my neck trying to look over my shoulder at what I wanted whilst still firmly facing the past. And with that comes the ability to allow more beautiful people in my world again without it being a sore reminder. Now I only see the complete blessing of their presence in my life. And know it’s my absolute honour to be surrounded by amazing people.
My family is far from perfect, but when you focus on the great and no longer feed energy to the bad, the rest doesn’t matter. You know who has always been there, who would be if you needed them and who wouldn’t or isn’t. I have learnt over the years what’s important is to give to those that matter and forget the ones that don’t. Give love and get love in return; that’s what makes the world go round and brings joy, love and happiness. And family doesn’t always have to be blood. I’m just blessed to be surrounded and supported by amazing people I call family; blood or not. I no longer feel like I’m walking alone and it feels pretty darn good to have my eyes open to see it and heart vulnerable to feel it.