It can sometimes be one of the hardest decisions to make. Should I try harder, make this work? Or should I just ‘admit defeat’, ‘quit/give up’, or be honest and see the reality of the future and simply move on and let it go? Some of the questions, comments and thoughts that stream through our minds.
People make this decision based on a number of things. Sometimes it’s fear; of the unknown, having been with this person for so long, not knowing any different. Or fear of being alone. Sometimes it’s about wanting more from that person, wanting to be equal, or not being able to accept certain things about that person. Sometimes people expect the other to change or circumstances to change and realise down the track they won’t or haven’t. Other times it’s simply the fact you have grown apart, want different things, have become two very different people and are no longer on the same path. There are obviously many other reasons but whatever the case is, a decision must be made.
This has unfortunately been the case for me over these last few days, (honestly month) but the decision had to be made, and unfortunately decided upon on Valentine’s Day, of all days. I don’t ‘celebrate’ Valentine’s Day. For me, every day should be about sharing love and expressing that. So for me yesterday was just another day. But a break up on Valentine’s Day still sucks all the same.
Anyone who knows me, knows my history of relationships has been painted with a tainted brush. This relected a lot from what was going on internally; what I thought I was worth, what I didn’t. Unconsciously reconstructing the Love/Hate relationship I had with my Mother, realising I created that with most of my past partners up until recently; drug addictions, alcohol problems, mental problems, not being able to put me first etc. But finally I have realised what I’ve been holding onto subliminally for most of my life, (the root cause of ALL of my problems; finances, relationships, career) and let go of that. I’ve finally let go of my past completely so I no longer project or attract that. And my last relationship was anything but. He did not reflect any part of my past relationships or my Mother in any way. He was great, a truly nice guy. Which, for one, is a really nice convincer of where I now am in my life and within myself. But was it enough, just to be a nice guy? The simple answer, no. Let me tell you briefly why.
I have massive goals and aspirations. I have had a dream since I was 15. I have a wall full of pictures of things on my bucket list that I continue to slowly cross off and add new things to. He has none. I am currently creating my website for ‘just add L.I.M.E.S Co.’ and throughout it, sends the message to start LIVING and not just existing. He is happy to just exist. We both have children, who we absolutely love and adore and our whole world revolves around our love for them, (that significantly attracted me to him), however we have very different ideas about parenting. I am someone who thinks outside the box, someone who questions everything and never believes anything the media tells us. He is ok not thinking about any of that and just living in his bubble. What he does hear on the media (or marketing for that matter), he has no reason to question it. I love getting outside and creating memories. He is ok to just sit at home and play PlayStation. None of these things are wrong. He is not a bad person for wanting any of that, or not wanting any different. Nor am I for wanting that. It doesn’t change the beautiful, caring person he is. It just means that the indifferences we share now makes it hard to be on the same page, about anything, specifically day to day things. And now, it’s hard for me to see a future because of that. I don’t want to hold him back from finding someone who is equally as interested in the same things as he is and who will give him a beautiful future where they can sit and play PlayStation and just hangout with his gorgeous daughter, and let them be, as they are, as they want to be. I just can’t do that.
It’s days like this, and decisions like these that make me realise how congruent I am with my journey and place in the world, how far I have come since taking the plunge to transform my life and study NLP, and how lucky I am to have shared amazing times with beautiful people but being strong enough to know we both deserve to find the right person for us. And knowing, as hard as it was, that it actually isn’t each other. Regardless of how much, in this moment, we may want it to be.
Remember when you are faced with this question, look deep inside you. If you have negative self talk, there is your number one alarm bell, where does that stem from? And how can you change that? If you struggle to see it clearly, write a list; all the things you love and all that you do not. If you can’t think of any positives, that’s generally a good indicator. If you love them dearly but just can’t see a future, let them go. Yes it is a hard decision. And it’s really hard for some people to make change. But isn’t it harder living a life you don’t like, despise or worse, makes you sick (in the mind, body and soul). You deserve happiness. We all do.
It’s all about making today better than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
Refresh your life,
Transforming lives with L.I.M.E.S.